I love you because I hate you
by cay-z
Summary: Just a short story between Cagalli and Shinn in the Minerva : It's a Oneshot so there's no summary :


"I hate you because I love you"

Author's Note: In Shinn's POV, just right after he said those bad things to Cagalli after they had landed on Earth.

Disclaimer: It's quite obvious I don't own Gundam Seed or Seed Destiny :) sob!

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I sat on my bed clutching Mayu's cell phone, the only memory of her that I had left. Her pink cell phone. It reminded me of my thirst for revenge and my desire to kill my sister's murderers. It reminded me that I should be mad at the Atthas.

_But still…._

I flipped open the cell phone and looked at the image archives. There were four folder in it. One was labeled Mayu. The next was Mom, Dad, and Shinn. The third one was Friends. And the last was a folder only for pictures of Mayu's idol, Princess Cagalli Yula Attha.

I stared at those pictures.

_Beautiful._

_That was how I always thought they were._

_Ever since Mayu brought home a magazine with her picture, I fell in love._

_I became obsessed. _

_If Mayu can be seen purchasing magazines with her on the cover, I would be buying them in secret. I kept them in a safe that unfortunately got lost in the war._

_I learned more about her, and the more I knew, the deeper my love went._

_I wanted her…_

_I fantasized about her…._

I just stared at her pictures, with her smile that sent my heart soaring.

I sighed.

_I'm pained deep inside, struggling with my damn feelings._

_I don't know what to think…_

I stood up and walked out of my room.

I just walked aimlessly down the corridor, unsure with my feelings. I never dreamt I could meet her so soon.

I didn't notice that I was already in front of the window overlooking the hangar.

There she was, standing with her personal attendant.

I scowled.

_How ironic things could be? I remember my fantasies of meeting her._

_I said awful words to her because of my anger, but deep inside, all I really wanted to do was hug her, hold her tight, just to make sure that I wasn't dreaming, that she was standing right in front of me._

I saw her smile at her personal attendant, a sweet smile I wished was for me.

_But I'm such a fool. With what I said to her, there was no way she would like me. She should be mad at me. _

_She should hate me._

_She should loathe me._

When her personal attendant wet to talk with the engineers, she looked up at me. I didn't know if she can see me, but to make sure, I gave her a stern look.

I wanted her to see my hate for her father, not my love for her.

That feeling should be kept in check and far from surface.

And then she smiled.

A sad smile.

I wanted, then and there to go to her.

_To tell her that I take back everything that I had said._

_To tell her how I really feel for her._

_To tell her I love her._

_But that can never happen._

_I'm such a fool._

I turned my back on her.

I wanted to cry.

To shed tears for my damn emotions.

I felt like an ass for treating her like this.

I wanted her.

I craved for her smile.

_I know that my love for her is stronger than any other emotion of mine…_

_That's why I should act this way around her._

_I can't show her how I truly feel._

_I can't smile at her nor hold her._

_That would have been easier if I never saw her…_

_If the only images of her were the one's in Mayu's cell phone._

_It would be easier if she had gone off the Minerva with the chairman._

_It would have been easier if her father wasn't the former ruler of Orb…_

Just as I turned the corner, I saw the face of someone I never wanted to see again.

The princess was standing a few feet away from me, clearly tired from running from the hangar.

"Shinn"

I scowled.

_Why did I have to hear her say my name?_

_Now I'd want to hear it more and more._

I closed my eyes and turned my back on her.

"Shinn, wait"

Her voice sounded soft, almost pleading.

So I put on my hardest face and looked at her with cold eyes.

And I saw her crying.

I stared at her.

_How could someone be so beautiful?_

_Even when tears are streaming down her amber eyes, she still looks majestic._

_Too beautiful even for a natural…_

Now I really wanted to hold her, to comfort her.

_I am such and idiot._

"Why", she started "Why do you hate me so much?"

_I don't hate you…_

_I love you._

"Why do you hate Orb so much?"

I can't listen to her anymore.

_Because if I did, I might break down to._

I turned and was about to walk away when she grabbed the cuff of my uniform.

She held onto it tight.

_My heart started beating faster and faster._

"Please" she said

And that was it.

I grabbed her by the shoulder with great force only coordinators can possess.

I pinned her to wall and pressed my lips onto hers, tasting her.

_I finally did it._

I broke the kiss and stared at her shocked eyes.

And I told her my secret.

"I hate you, because I love you"

And with that, I walked off.

_END_

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:)I know…

Short and weird…

But please read and review :)

Flames are accepted just as long as they are in unreadable forms such as $#!

Please wait for more of my stories :)


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